Forever Lost In His Love!
He puts His tender arms around me and begins to wipe away my tears.
He whispers love songs in my ear and reminds me of His love for me.
I weep violently and almost vomit from the pain. My heart has
been ripped out from me. I don't want to go on. The world seems
dark and ugly. I no longer have his hand to hold or his shoulder to cry
on. How am I to face this world without him. The grief is so great
I feel like my heart will stop beating. All I can think about is the loss
and the pain.
People try to give me words of encouragement, prayers and hugs.
They mean well, but it doesn't take away the stabbing pain in my chest.
I begin staying busy and stuff my feelings away on the shelf.
Being raised to "suck it up and deal with it" made it easier
not to face the heartache. I keep myself busy and find myself beginning
to feel numb. This helps for awhile, but I know eventually I will need to
face reality.
Reality that my life has dramatically changed. I am lost,
lonely and in a fog. I don't think my life will get better. I feel
destined to this life until death takes me home.
Days, weeks, months and years pass. Slowly I begin to see the
light. Slowly I begin to smell the flowers, bask in the sunlight, listen
to the songs of the birds in the trees. Spring has sprung and what
appeared dead is coming to life. I look at the new buds on the tree and
am thankful.
New life has begun to well up in me. I see a hope for the
future. I begin to feel again. I allow the tears to flow and I say
goodbye. I begin a new journey with joy and anticipation.
I truly have felt like I walked through the valley of the shadow of
death and have been reborn. I will cherish the time and memories, but now
it is time to start fresh.
I dig deeper into the Word of God. I begin worshipping Him.
I slowly realize that He has become the one my soul loves! I still
have a bridegroom; one better and greater than the one I had on this earth. I am no longer a widow, but a bride!
His Beloved Warrior Bride,
Johanna
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