I have been sitting here this morning wondering what to write. What word can I give to others walking through this grief journey with me. I looked through my journals and found nothing. I began to write a post and decided it did not flow together well.
All kinds of thoughts ran through my mind, yet nothing seemed to be coming together on paper. The Lord was simply saying “write.” “Write down whatever you are thinking, and I will direct you in what goes on the blog and what stays hidden in your journal.”
Writing has recently become my passion. I previously thought I couldn’t write and that I had nothing important to share. It wasn’t until my husband died that I realized I do have a gift to write.
This realization came suddenly one day during my quiet time with the Lord. I had written a couple of posts. When I looked back on them, I began to realize how God was using me to write down words that would be of help and healing to others. I sat in astonishment and pure awe that anything remotely intelligible would flow through me to others. I wept thinking about this precious gift that had been on a shelf all of my life. I have been given a great opportunity to share HIS love, grace, and mercy through being transparent with my own sufferings and challenges.
Opening myself up to others and being real has been a process for me. I had always prided myself in being able to handle and juggle stressful life events well. In reality, I was a silent train wreck - living in an enclosed fortress of deep pain, sorrow, loss, anxiety, depression, perfectionism, and unrealistic expectations. It wasn’t until I asked the Lord to begin chipping away the walls that healing began and I was able to honestly share with others my life’s journey.
The more I shared and opened up, the stronger my desire became to share even more in hopes it would help someone else. I no longer wanted to wear a mask and pretend I was okay all of the time. I wanted others to know that the journey as a Christian woman is not easy. Yes, I have eternal life to look forward to when I take my last breath, but in the meantime, I need to navigate this world and what it throws at me each day. Some days, it is much easier than others. I haven’t lost my faith through the hardships, but actually have been able to grow stronger. The challenges have helped me grasp more tightly to the understanding of Christ’s sufferings and sacrifice on my behalf.
I have taken time to read and re-read scriptures about suffering and being Christ like. My pain is but a speck in comparison to His; yet, He cries with me and understands each moment of my sorrow and pain. It is important to Him, and He grieves with me.
Realizing that my journey may help others inspires me to keep writing and keep going forward. I will continue to write and journal and allow the Holy Spirit to flow through me. I will open up hidden things in my heart that have been healed so others can see they, too, can go forward and get healing. I will be another voice crying in the wilderness pointing people to the saving knowledge of Jesus Christ. I will do this with as much grace and humility as I can muster in order to truly be a light for Christ in this dark world.
Yes, l suffered deeply, but I can honestly say I received so much more healing and have more joy because of my sorrows. These scars allow me to honestly share the depth of Christ’s healing power and love from a heart of experience.
I am taking this gift off the shelf and unwrapping it for HIS glory and to help others in similar situations. Is it time for you to do the same?
His Beloved Warrior Bride